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found it 'down' there

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god by vision
On my last holiday i went home for 2 months and spent most of my times writing journals, expanded my imaginations thru words and lines. One day i sat down in a very hot lazy day with ice lemonade, a pencil, and some desperations. i looked up to the sky and saw You. you were embodied in this perfect rainbow stretching out from my left to my right, a perfect half circle of colour right above me. the clouds were fluffy and white, reminds me of a cottoncandy, tinged with pink and orange, shades of mango juice in the sky. ahhh i wish i had my crayons in my hand so i could capture your beauty. but i dont think i could ever.

then i heard my lil sisters voice up on my roof. she sat there with her girls talking about boys, while all of the sudden she screamed "look at the sky". i could see her little fingers pointing out to random direction while explaining what she saw to others. she said she saw a bunches of lily tied with ribbon on her right side. "and there, u see?" she made her friends turn their heads to her left when she was explaining a big meeting tables with couples of gentlemen whispering one to another. she said they all look old and european.

the other girls made an "oh there....?" and some humming sounds, showing they could hardly see what my sister did. but i saw exactly what she meant. a very clear vision uphigh in the sky.
maybe some cynic would say it is just a coincidence, but i dont want cynicism right now. i want all the hope in the world.

it runs in the family.

we were on the 33rd floor and the suns' outstretched rays tried to make its way to me through the smog of the city. i was up high. feeling very tall. i could be this giant valkyrie from some twisted tim burton nightmare but i was quiet and looked at all the little people below me.

zip zip wuzz wuzz everybody looks so busy for a lazy sunday early morning. but am feeling really heavy. like am wearing some coat of lethargy. i wonder about the synapses in my brain. see if they're still working cuz i feel so fckn' numb. it's like a miniature world down there.
i can see so far off into the horizon but really cant see at all. its so small and yet so big. and in this littlebig world of zipzipwuzzwuzz busy people i wonder if he is out there somewhere. on the street. walking. under one of the roofs before me. or in one of the little crawling (ant) toy cars below.

if he was. i'd squish him with my big giant valkyrie foot. squish. ha-HAH. ick. take that.
On Guns of Beliefs and People
Some people use guns to make other people believe in guns
Some guns use people to make them believe in other people
Some guns use guns to make guns believe in guns
Some people use guns to make guns believe in people
Some people use beliefs to make guns
Some people use guns to make beliefs
Some people use guns
Some people use beliefs
Some guns use beliefs
Some people use people, beliefs and guns
Some guns use guns and people on beliefs
Some guns are people and some people are guns
Some guns are guns and some people are people
Some people use guns to make others believe
Some guns use people to make other people believe
And some beliefs use people to make guns believe
To make guns believe in people
To make people out of guns
To make guns into beliefs
To make beliefs into guns
To make guns out of guns people out of people and beliefs out of beliefs of beliefs on people
Peopled by beliefs and guns that people use
To unpeople people of beliefs


About Me

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i know people who know cool people. proud Indonesian. right-handed. quintessential pisces. the original. starting afresh. unintentionally intense. deeper than the mariana trench. smart. kind. lonely. negative. loaded. space cowboy. sweet. mildly disillusioned. first child. too sensitive for her own good. short & curvy. never cruel. kinky. flippant. loud. singing into hairbrush. dirty dirty dirty words. silly. affectionate. self conscious. occasionally elitist. lost?


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