a walking contradiction

this is the letter i never sent you, and most probably never will.

august 13th.

i just hung up my phone and found my self bursting into tears. tomorrow i'll be flying home, feeling tired already just to hearing it. it's funny coz there aint nothin to be cried about. it could have been this dreadful summer heat, but am pretty much enjoy the sunshine like a fish needs a bike *blegh*

your voice on the phone brought something to my soul. the way you say hi. the tone of your weariness. your giggle, your sigh. ahh why am i here and you are there? i fuckin miss you, dammit. a year to go, and we all be livin this small town of melting pot. i am scared through and through. what's next? what's now? what's us? are we still being us? or will we not? questions over questions, i'm getting tired of curiosity and never ending story. but what if i dont want it to be ended? what about our fights? our doubts? our giveups and hatreds? am i fighting alone, or just fretting alone?

my tears dried up but my heart's still drumming the confusion, on a basically thing i'm not quite sure about. one more question, can somebody actually love less? how does love measure? what is the tendency and what makes people love more? or less? is it rude to ask, do you love me more or less? can somebody actually manage to answer?

or maybe to simplify the question, do i love you more, or you love me less?
how's that?

thats y i wont give this letter to you, it's completely bollocks and no one understands my rubbish. well, i am having the second thought of posting this but i guess i will just click the right button and please everyone.

p.s/ i hate every emotional breakdown. period.